worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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