I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
