If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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