That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
