My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are the jesus of drinking