Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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