Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
