I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
