so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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