I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
