Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
