some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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