i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
