Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
