3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
