Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
