I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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