TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
