I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
