he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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