Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
