my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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