can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
