roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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