They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
