Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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