im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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