I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she smelled like a LAN party
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
