i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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