i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize