Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
