dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
