textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
