i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
