If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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