so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
