they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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