went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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