Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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