Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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