textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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