i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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