I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
