The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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