I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
