Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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