Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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