is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
