I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
