She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
