The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
