Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
