You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
