Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
