Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
