yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
