Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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