My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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