One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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