We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
