I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
