I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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