I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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