is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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