id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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