that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Even my vagina gasped.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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