I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
