Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
