Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
