fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
