Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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