I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
