New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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