You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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