You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
