We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
