I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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