You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
