Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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