i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
