2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
