i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
