That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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