it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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