i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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