Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
