i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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