Kiss
Puke
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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