dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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