What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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