what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
